BAMBOOzled

Here is a picture of my only plant. It wasn't even my plant actually, it was a gift. I'm not sure what I did to deserve it; I feel like it just fell in my lap one day and ever since that day I've tried to give it everything it needs to grow. I've never been good with plants, somehow no matter what I do to keep it growing, they manage to give up on me. I've had people tell me about this plant. They've said it looks like it's dying, it isn't big enough, or that their bamboo plant is doing so much better, but I've had faith in this one. Maybe it's just my perception. Maybe after having so many seemingly healthy plants die on me, I've just wanted this one to make it. The past few weeks, while all of the other decor in the house has been packed and my usual obligations are ceasing, this little guy has called my attention... despite my watering,pruning, and care, it hasn't responded. The leaves haven't perked up, the branches aren't standing taller. Would he be better if I just left him alone? Is he tired of trying to survive in a place that he doesn't belong? I always feel that things are brought in to my life for a reason, but what if his purpose is complete? What if he was just meant to be a pretty gift for a while and now it's his time to be let go? I hate the thought of giving up on him. I hate the thought that I failed again and that I'm left with the unique vase that it once thrived in (before I got a hold of it of course). Nothing else could fill that vase, nothing else would fit the same and quite honestly, I don't want to try to make anything else grow in it's place. I don't have a green thumb. This is something I've admitted, but I was given this chance. Maybe the reason it is still on my counter is not because of it's potential to thrive, but my selfish desire to hang on to it. I am facing a dilemma. Soon everything in the house will be packed and loaded into the moving truck. Soon I will be too. What will I do with this guy? I want to bring him so badly. I want him to be the showcase of our new home, perhaps even displayed on the coffee table, but is that what's best? I could read more about how traumatic changes of climate are for houseplants, but I also know that this one is different. This one might absorb a better atmosphere and grow bigger than I could imagine. Is this the product of faith or is this just a green dream? Should I let it go now? Leave it in the only place it knew and move on with my life. Is this the end with my little friend?

A little here, A little there

As I get down to the countdown before we leave, I'm finding myself writing several mental diary entries a day. I don't really have the time or focus to jot (or type) them all, but my mind seems to be in this constant state of contemplation where nothing is as simple as it seems and everything is symbolic for something. I think it's the finality of where I'm at right now so I'm trying not to read too much into things; I just feel so dramatic. I'm seeking a constant where there can't be, and desperately searching for a stable place to turn to whether it be in a friend who wants that closeness, or simply an effective workout routine I can look forward to... everything seems to be changing. I suppose that is just where things are suppose to be right now. I'm back in the waiting room of life again. Waiting to be needed, waiting to be trusted, waiting to settle my roots and grow. For once, I would like to be an active participant in the changes in life, for my voice to stand out enough to create a positive change, but that seems to be a role I'm not destined for. How can I expect to be silent and watch everything spin out of control? As long as I can remember, God has taught me that he knows what is best for my life, while frustrating at times, He really does a better job of running it than I do so I'm not struggling with that aspect as much. I do pray that he uses me to touch others in my life so that I can be a tool to create a positive change in theirs. So often, I feel like the opportunity is open, but I fail to let Him work through me. It is these times more than any other, I feel like I have no true place. I'm on unsteady ground and sent back to the waiting room to flip through boring magazines until my true purpose finally calls.