Anchors Away

I wanted to be like an ocean upon the shore. To crash into this life and change... change shape, change views, change it all. I wanted to make my presence known, not by sound or sight, but by feeling. I wanted to make an impact like a wave hitting the sand, never to look back and never to be the same... I'm heading to the ocean now. I've heard it call for three years and God knows that there is a warm place for me in the sand and sun. I place for me to dig my toes into and watch in pure amazement at the beauty he created. I need that like the tide needs the moon. I've searched here, landlocked. Trying to find my place, my warm spot, my time to crash upon the shore. I'm not sure why it took three years to realize that this is not the place. I'm not even sure why it took until tonight for me to realize that my purpose here was to just be. To float along the tepid waters and solidify into the woman I've tried my whole life to become. My place isn't here, although I have found places that I needed to be and that needed me for the time. God intended for me to learn what to absorb, such as the friendships that never would have blessed my life had I not come, but also to learn how to cast out what was not intended for me. That lesson was a hard one, but I've learn to release what I should not keep and sometimes it stings, but I find there is more of me to give to ones that I am meant to when I do. I'll leave this place in a few months a changed woman. I might be a passing thought in a few minds here. I might come up in a conversation or two, not exactly the waves I wanted to make. I do hope that I leave behind an imprint, maybe instead of the waves I can leave traces on the shore like seashells to be found on a lazy day. Someone will think of a conversation that we shared or a nice gesture and take with them that seashell. I, on the other hand will take with me a bucket full of memories. When this tide retreats, I will be changed.